The Broken Road, part 5 & 6

By Courtney & Lori

Rating: NC-17
Summary: Ben and Felicity spent the summer together and now they are finally
returning to school. But the road to love will definitely have some twists and turns.
Disclaimer: We don't own the characters of Felicity. We are just borrowing
them. We promise to put them back where we found them when we get finished :-)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Skip to part 6

Part 5

"Why do I have this party every year when every year all I end up with is
a huge mess and nothing to show for it?" Sean asked as he tied up the last
bag of trash and set it by the door.
"Because, buddy, otherwise we'd have to leave the house to celebrate
Halloween, and what's the fun in that?" Ben said with a grin as he slapped
his friend on the back.
"Yeah, easy for you to say Mr.
I-spent-the-whole-party-in-my-room-making-out-with-my-girlfriend," Sean
replied. Ben just shrugged and went back to sit beside Felicity on the sofa.
Noel laughed. "Come on, Sean. I'll help you with the trash," he said. He
grabbed two bags and Sean grabbed the other two and they started out.
"I'll grab the door for you," Julie offered and she got up to follow them
out.
Elena was in the bathroom, so Ben and Felicity were alone for the moment.
"We really did ditch the party for way too long," she said softly. Her head
was resting on his shoulder and he reached up to smooth her hair down with
one hand as his other arm held her close to him.
"They don't mind," he assured her. "Are you feeling any better?" She'd
been sick all day and she still looked pretty pale. He was getting more than
a little worried about her.
"I'm fine," she responded.
"I hope so," he said as he kissed her forehead. "I can't have you getting
sick on me." She smiled lazily and snuggled closer to her boyfriend.
"Hey, not too mushy you two. My stomach can only take so many Hallmark
moments." They both looked up and grinned at Elena, who had reentered the
room and sat down in one of the chairs near them. "Where'd the others go?"
she asked.
"To take the trash down," Ben answered.
"Oh, and you weren't up to the task?" she asked wryly.
"Well, I had the choice of helping carry garbage to the dumpster, or
staying on the couch with my girlfriend," he said.
She nodded. "Wise choice."
The door opened behind them and Sean, Noel, and Julie came back in.
"Honey, we're home," Noel said.
"Be still my heart," Elena deadpanned.
"Ah, you know you love me," he said as he sat back down beside her.
"Excuse me, didn't you just take out the trash?" she asked.
"Yeah, what's your point?"
"Kitchen. Hands. Soap. Now."
Noel gave a hangdog look and got up obediently. "Yes mother," he replied
and followed Sean and Julie in as they all washed their hands.
When they'd returned and everyone was sitting down, Elena said, "So,
people, what's the plan for the rest of the evening?"
They all looked at each other and shrugged.
"Well, it's Saturday night, it's barely midnight. Don't tell me the party
is over already," she said.
"No way, the night is young," Sean agreed. "There's a Nightmare on Elm
Street marathon on channel seven."
"Sounds good," Ben said.
"Yuck, Freddie Kruger is so creepy," Julie said.
"Don't worry, I'll protect you," Noel told her.
"Yeah, as soon as I get done protecting him," Elena quipped.
"So, Freddie it is, then?" Sean asked. There were several nods of
agreement among the group. "Great, I'll make popcorn. Jules, wanna help?"
"Sure," Julie replied and got up to follow him to the kitchen.
"I'll get some sodas," Elena offered. She stood and started into the
kitchen as well, then stopped to pull Noel to his feet saying, "Come on, give
me a hand." He nodded and followed her.
"Is Freddie Kruger okay with you?" Ben asked Felicity quietly.
"Yeah, fine . . ." she said. She was still curled in his arms.
He looked down at her. "You still don't look so good. Are you sure you're
okay?" he asked in concern. He brushed her hair back from her forehead and
gazed down at her, his brow furrowed.
"I'm okay . . . just a little tired," she admitted.
"You want to go lie down in my room?" he asked.
"I hate to leave the party so early," she said.
"They'll all understand. I'll come lay down with you till you fall
asleep," he offered.
She smiled up at him. "You will?"
"Of course I will," he said, giving her a smile in return and kissing her
forehead. "Wait right here, I'll go tell the others." She nodded and watched
him walk into the kitchen.
"Hey guys," Ben said quietly. They each turned his way. "Felicity still
doesn't feel so good so we're gonna go lie down for a while. I'll be back
down once she falls asleep."
"Yeah, sure . . ." Sean said with a smirk. Ben just rolled his eyes at
his roommate. Meanwhile, Julie and Elena had gone in to see about Felicity.
"Tell her I hope she feels better," Noel said.
Ben nodded and smiled slightly. "Thanks, I will." He turned back to see
Elena and Julie sitting on either side of Felicity.
"I'm fine, really. I'm just tired," Felicity assured them.
"Well, you don't have a fever," Elena said.
"You look pale, though. It's probably a good idea for you to get some
rest," Julie agreed.
"That's the plan," Ben said as he rejoined them.
"Don't keep her up all night," Elena warned.
"What?" he said incredulously.
"You heard me. You know what I mean. She needs to rest," Elena insisted.
Ben grinned at her and nodded. "Yes ma'am, I know," he said.
"Good. Okay Jules, let's let them get some rest." Julie nodded and
followed Elena back to the kitchen to get the movie snacks.
Ben knelt down in front of Felicity. "Hey sweetie," he said as he took
her hand in his. "Ready?" She nodded and he helped her to her feet and led
her upstairs. When they'd reached the bedroom, he sat her down on his bed and
took off her shoes, then removed her jeans and helped her into a pair of
sweats she had left there. "Better?" he asked.
"Much," she smiled.
He quickly removed his own shoes and jeans and crawled into bed beside
her in his boxers and T-shirt. He pulled her close to him and wrapped her
body in his warm embrace. "I love you," he whispered and planted a kiss atop
her hair. "Sleep well, sweetheart," he said softly, and when he looked down
at her face, he could see that she was already asleep.

* * * * *

"Hey Felicity," Julie greeted as she walked into the kitchen the next morning
to find her friend eating cereal and reading a history book.
"Hey Jules. Coffee's on."
"Great," Julie yawned. "So are you feeling any better?"
"A little. My stomach still feels like it's on a roller coaster ride but at
least I'm able to keep some food down."
"What do you think was wrong with you?"
"Probably just a bug or something."
"You gonna get yourself checked out?"
"I probably should, huh? Well, if I still feel like tossing my cookies every
five minutes by the time Tuesday rolls around I'll go to Health Services."
"Sounds like a good idea to me," Ben commented as he entered the kitchen.
"What are you eating?"
"The oatmeal I found hiding behind the box of Julie's breakfast bars."
"Hey, that's mine," Ben complained.
"I know that's why I had some. That and I like apple and cinnamon oatmeal."
Felicity smiled sweetly and Ben found it hard to be mad at her. Kissing her
forehead he went and poured himself some coffee before turning back around.
Julie was munching on a breakfast bar and doing the crossword puzzle that had
come with that morning's paper and Felicity had gone back to her history
book.
"You sleep okay last night?" Ben asked of his girlfriend.
Felicity looked up. "Yeah, like a log. I didn't even feel you get out of bed
to go back downstairs or come back to bed."
"He was very quiet about the whole thing," Sean said as he joined his
friends.
"Hardly knew he was down here," Julie smirked.
Felicity narrowed her eyes for a moment and then looked at Ben. "You stayed
with me all night?"
"Yeah. I didn't want to leave you alone."
"You're such a sweetie. Thank you," Felicity said with a smile.
"Are you two gonna be mushy? Cause if you are I'm leaving," Julie said.
"C'mon, it's too early in the morning for this schmaltz."
"Yeah, I agree. Anyway Felicity, with your stomach doing somersaults you
shouldn't get to mushy. Might bring on a vomiting spell," Sean pointed out.
"Fine, no schmaltz we promise."
"At least none where the two of you can see it," Ben smiled.
"Wanna go make Megan sick?" Felicity asked mischievously.
"I'm game if you are," Ben said as he walked to his girlfriend while she
stood up. Once on her feet she swayed a little and Ben reacted immediately as
he put his arms around her and steadied her. "Whoa. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just got a little dizzy," Felicity said as she leaned against him.
"C'mon, you're going back to bed and then tomorrow I'm taking you to the
doctor myself," Ben said as he led Felicity back upstairs. The nauseous young
woman didn't offer any protest as she was lain back in Ben's bed and covered
with a blanket. Ben kissed her forehead. "I love you," he whispered as he
pushed the hair away from her face.
"Love you," Felicity mumbled.
Ben frowned as he studied Felicity's pale face and felt how cold her hands
were. He could only pray that nothing life threatening was wrong with her. He
wasn't even close to being ready to lose her.

* * * * *

"Elena, have you seen my blue shirt anywhere?" Noel called from his room.
Elena looked up from the biology book in front of her and rolled her
eyes. "No, I haven't. Do I look like your mother?"
Noel came into the kitchen and stole a piece of toast from the plate in
front of her. "Nope, not even a little," he smirked as he munched on the
toast.
"Hey, get your own," she grumbled.
"You make coffee?" he asked.
"Yeah," she replied as she waved him towards the half empty pot. He
nodded and went to get a cup. Just as he was sitting back down at the table
across from her, the doorbell rang. "Ugh, I'll never get my bio assignment
done at this rate!" she groaned.
"Chill out, I got it," Noel said.
"Thank you, Noel," she said with a small smile, then turned back to her
book.
Noel set down his coffee and went over to the door. He opened it and was
surprised to find Felicity standing there. "Hey, what's going--" Immediately
he noticed that something wasn't right. She looked like she was on the verge
of tears and she was so pale he was afraid she might pass out at any second.
"Felicity, what's wrong?" he asked.
"Um . . . is Elena here?" she asked in a choked voice.
"Yeah, yeah, come on in," he said. He placed his hand on her upped back
and led her inside. Elena looked up and saw her, took in her expression and
came quickly to her side.
"Honey, what's wrong?" she asked.
"I . . . I need to talk to you," Felicity managed as a few tears escaped
her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.
"Okay, alright. Let's go in my room," Elena suggested. Felicity nodded
and they started for Elena's room. When she turned to look at Noel he gave
her a questioning look and Elena just shrugged, then closed the door.
She sat Felicity down on the bed and pulled a chair up to sit across from
her. She patted her hand and asked gently, "What happened?"
"I . . ." her voice caught in her throat and she had to take a few deep
breaths before she could continue. Finally, she proceeded. "Ben finally
talked me into going to health services today," she said.
"Yeah . . ."
"And . . . and they ran some tests. Turns out I'm not sick after all,"
she said with a pained half-smile. "I'm pregnant." As she said the words she
finally broke down in sobs and buried her face in her hands.
Elena got up quickly and sat beside her friend on the bed, putting her
arms around Felicity and rubbing her back comfortingly. "Oh God . . . I'm so
sorry . . ." she said softly.
Finally regaining a little of her composure, Felicity sat up. "Elena,"
she said softly. "What am I going to do?"
"Have you told Ben yet?" She shook her head no. "Well, I think the first
thing you need to do is tell him," Elena said. "Then, you two will just have
to figure out the rest together."
Felicity nodded sadly. She had no idea what she was going to do, but at
least she wouldn't be doing it alone. She had Ben . . . and he'd never let
her down.

* * * * *

Ben paced his floor anxiously as he waited for Felicity to show up. She'd
insisted on going to the doctor's alone because she didn't know how long
she'd be and he had to go to work. She had said she'd meet him at the loft
afterwards and she should have been here hours ago. He'd called the dorms and
gotten an irritated Meghan who informed him that Felicity hadn't been there
all day. Sean said he hadn't seen her since she left for her appointment this
morning and Julie had left a message that Elena had called looking for her.
He paused when he heard the faint sound of the buzzer and then Sean's
footsteps. He ran out of his room and down the stairs when he heard
Felicity's voice.
"So, how are you?" Sean was saying as Ben entered the room.
"I'm okay. I just need to talk to Ben." Felicity met his eyes when she
realized he was there. "Hi."
"Hi."
Sean looked back and forth between him before quietly saying, "I've gotta
go. Date tonight."
"Bye Sean," Felicity said softly.
"Later man," Ben said, his eyes not leaving Felicity's stricken face.
Once Sean had left Ben spoke. "Where were you? I've been out of my mind."
Felicity leaned against the wall behind her and sank to the floor. Ben
panicked and ran to her. Kneeling down beside her he pushed her damp hair
from her face. "Felicity? Talk to me. Are you sick?"
"Not exactly," she whispered.
"Then what, exactly?"
Felicity rolled her head away from him before turning and looking at him.
"Ben, I'm pregnant."
Ben stared at her. "Are you sure?"
Felicity nodded miserably. "The doctors confirmed it this morning. After
that I freaked. I went to see Elena and she said I should tell you so we can
figure out what to do but I just couldn't face you yet."
"Why not?"
"I was scared."
"Of me?"
"No. Yes. Of how you'd react. I didn't know if you'd blame me or hate me
or what. I just know that I'm terrified."
"You're not the only one." Ben kissed the top of her head and pulled her into
his arms. After a few minutes Felicity pulled away from him. "What?"
"I think I need to go home and be alone right now," she said in a soft voice.
"What? Why?"
"I just need some time to think."
"You can't think here?"
"I just need to be alone with myself right now." Felicity looked at him
pleadingly. "Try to understand?"
"Okay. Promise you'll call me tomorrow?"
"Promise." Ben and Felicity stood up and hugged each other good bye. As
Felicity started to walk away Ben called out to her.
"You know I love you, right?"
She turned around and smiled as best she could before nodding slowly. "Yeah I
know. I love you, too." Then she left.

* * * * *

Felicity took a deep breath before she picked up her tape recorder, pressed
play, and began to speak.

"Dear Sally,

I have completely screwed my life up beyond repair. I know you're probably
thinking what could be so bad, right? Well, you might want to sit for this
one, Sal. Better yet lie down for this one. Sally, I'm pregnant. Did I shock
you? I sure shocked myself. Elena, too. I think I shocked Ben, though I can't
be sure. He was kinda non-reactionary when I told him the news of our
impending arrival."

Felicity took a deep breath before continuing.

"First, he asked me if I was sure and then he held me and then as I was
leaving he reminded me that he loved me. It was nice to know that he could
still say the words even though I had probably given him the biggest shock of
his entire life."
"I gotta tell you, Sally, I dread telling my parents. What are they gonna
think of their little girl being pregnant? I can just see it now. They'll
take a hit out on Ben and send me to some convent in the Swiss Alps to have
the baby and I'll never see anyone I love or care about again."
"I know I have options, Sally, but the idea of an abortion disgusts me. It
has since I was old enough to understand what it was. Adoption is the most
logical choice and of course there is the idea of trying to raise a child and
go to school at the same time. Kids in my classes do it. I could to. But I
know what you're saying right now. Before I decide anything I need to talk to
Ben. You're right. But first I just want to sleep."
"Talk back soon, Sally. Maybe you can make sense of the mess my life is
slowly becoming. Love, Felicity."

Felicity turned off the recorder and slipped the tape from it into the
envelope before crawling under her covers and falling asleep.

* * * * *

Ben sat in front of the television and stared blankly at the screen. He'd
been watching a baseball game for almost an hour, but he had no idea what the
score was, or who was playing even. He couldn't concentrate on that. All he
could think of was Felicity and what she'd told him that afternoon.
Pregnant. The word worked its way into his brain and his head pounded.
What were they going to do? How would they deal with this? He had just turned
twenty, Felicity was barely nineteen . . . they were way too young for this.
But, people did it all the time, he told himself. Sixteen-year-olds have
babies every day. Who's to say that we can't handle this?
He sighed heavily and rubbed his hands over his face again. This couldn't
be happening. It had to be a dream, it just had to . . .
"What's wrong?" he heard. He looked up to see Julie walking over to the
couch, her guitar case in hand.
"Hey, I didn't hear you come in," he said.
"Just got here. Something wrong?"
"Uh, yeah, you could say that," he replied.
She sat her guitar down and took a seat beside him on the couch. "You
wanna talk?"
"I . . . I don't know if I should, Jules. It's kind of . . ." he
hesitated, not sure how to explain without really explaining.
"You look like you need a friend. That's all I want to be," she said
softly. She laid a hand on his shoulder and added, "Anything we talk about
stays between us, I swear."
He looked back at his ex-girlfriend and sighed. "Something pretty
terrible happened today," he admitted. She waited for him to continue and
eventually he did. "Felicity, uh . . . she finally went to the doctor. He
told her . . . " His voice trailed off.
"Is she okay?" Julie asked anxiously.
"She's pregnant," he said flatly.
"Pr-pregnant?" Julie repeated. Ben nodded. "Oh God," she murmured.
"Yeah, tell me about it."
"Well, where is she?"
"She left, went back to her dorm room. She was pretty freaked out. I
guess she couldn't be around me, I dunno . . ."
"I'm sure she just needs to think," Julie said.
"Yeah . . ." he replied absently. "But, you know what Julie? I'm so
scared right now."
She looked up at Ben Covington sitting there beside her on the couch.
He'd always seemed so strong, so distant . . . but, at that moment, he looked
as vulnerable as a small child. The fear and need that swam together in his
eyes made her heart ache. She reached up to touch his face as one tear slid
down his cheek.
Ben covered her hand with his and met her eyes. "Julie . . ." he said.
His voice was filled with a desperation she'd never heard from him and the
sound drove her forth even though she knew she should be stopping what was
happening between them. Instead, she found herself reaching up to meet his
lips in a kiss.
The rest seemed to happen in a blur. One minute they were kissing
frantically on the couch, the next they were half-naked in his bed. She
didn't remember how they got upstairs or when things had gone this far, but
there they were.
Ben was lost as he kissed Julie fervently. He couldn't think, he couldn't
rationalize what he was doing, all he could do was say to himself that this
was making all of the decisions about Felicity and about having a child fade
into the woodwork. This was taking it all away for the moment.
Their remaining clothes were quickly removed and Ben closed his eyes as
he sank into Julie's waiting body. She bite her lip to contain a moan as he
moved rapidly within her. It was over quickly. As Ben came, he cried out, but
not her name. Felicity's. He called out for Felicity, and then she knew she'd
made the biggest mistake of her life.
Ben collapsed beside her, burying his face in the pillow. She sat in
stunned silence for a moment, wondering what they'd just done. How could she
have let this happen? Then, she felt the bed shaking slightly and turned to
see Ben's shoulders shudder as he tried to keep from crying into the pillow.
Her heart broke and she moved to put her arms around him.
"No," he cried out. "No . . ." but his resistance was weak and he
couldn't shoo her away. His tears overtook him and he let Julie's arms wrap
around him as he finally began to sob openly. His head was buried against her
shoulder as he cried what seemed to be as endless stream of tears.
"Shh, it's okay," Julie said softly as she held him close. "It's going to
be okay." He clung to her tightly and she wondered if those words could ever
be true. Would anything ever be okay again? She was still wondering when she
finally felt Ben relax as he cried himself to sleep. She looked down sadly at
the man in her arms and wondered why she, too, wasn't crying. Maybe she was
afraid that she'd never be able to stop. With that thought in mind, she
finally joined him in sleep.

* * * * *

Felicity let herself in the next morning after dropping her tape to Sally in
the mail. She smiled at Ben's roommate who was drinking coffee in the
kitchen.
"Hi Sean," she greeted him softly.
"Hey you. Well you look better then yesterday," he said as he turned to look
at her.
"I feel better. A good night's sleep was just what I needed to clear my
head."
"That's good. So even though I know you love me you're not here just to see
me, right?"
"No, although that is an added bonus."
"I know."
Felicity smiled. "Is Ben up yet?"
"I think I heard him walking around up there. Not sure though. Go on up
though. He'll be glad to see you."
"Hope so," Felicity said before heading to Ben's room. Knocking quickly she
pushed open the door. "Hey Ben, are you-" her voice caught in her throat at
the scene before her eyes. Julie was lying in Ben's bed and Ben was sitting
on the edge of it. He was in boxer shorts and Julie was lying on her stomach
asleep, but Felicity could tell that she wasn't wearing anything. She took in
the sight of their clothes scattered haphazardly about the room and looked
like she might be sick. "Oh my God," she said in a horrified voice as her
eyes grew wide with disbelief.
"Felicity," Ben said. "Oh shit, wait!" But, it was too late.
"Oh my God," Her eyes flew to Julie, then back to Ben who looked like he
wanted to crawl into a hole. "How could you?" she whispered before running
from the room, down the stairs and out of the loft.

* * * * *

Part 6

Elena was still asleep when the banging on the door started. Noel, who
was sitting on the couch watching the morning news, got up quickly to see who
is was. Another knock sounded before he could even reach the door.
"Okay, okay, hold your horses. I'm com--" he stopped when he saw
Felicity's face. "Oh my God, what the hell happened?" he asked quickly.
She was crying. More to the point, she was bawling. She sounded like she
was about to start hyperventilating. He rushed to her and led her inside.
"Here, here. Sit." He pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and helped her
into it. "I'll go get Elena. I'll be right back," he promised.
Running to her door, Noel banged loudly. "Elena, wake up! Elena!"
Elena's eyes opened at the sound and she squinted at her alarm clock.
Eight friggin thirty. 8:30am on her *one* day off from class and studying all
week and her crazy roommate was banging, not knocking but *banging*, on her
door. "Great, perfect. I love my life," she mumbled as she crawled out of bed
and put on her robe.
"Elena, wake up!" Noel called frantically from the hallway.
"Damn, would you hold on? I'm coming," she snapped. She flung the door
open and glared at him. "Where's the fire cyber-boy?" she asked sharply.
He didn't answer, he just moved to the side and pointed into the kitchen.
She immediately spotted Felicity at the table, her head down, her shoulders
heaving with sobs. "Oh God!" she gasped and ran into the kitchen.
"What is it? What happened?" she asked quickly as she knelt beside her
friend.
"Ben . . . Julie . . . I . . . why, Elena . . . Oh God . . . I loved him
so much!" she moaned as her sobs overtook her again.
Noel stood in the background and watched helplessly. "I'm just gonna . .
. uh . . . go get another, um, paper. I, uh . . . bye," he said, then grabbed
his keys and headed out. He could see that they needed their privacy now.
"Felicity, sweetie, I need you to calm down," Elena instructed. "Come on,
come into the living room." She pulled her friend to her feet and led her to
the sofa where she sat her down. Then, she returned to the kitchen for a
glass of cold water and a warm dishcloth. She carried both to Felicity,
getting her to drink a little of the water and wiping her face with the
cloth.
"There now . . . that's better," she said soothingly. She sat on the
couch beside Felicity and patted her back lightly until the girl had calmed
down a bit and her breathing had returned to a semi-normal state. "Now, tell
me what happened," Elena said gently.
Felicity took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay . . . I . . . I went to
Ben's like you said and . . . and I told him about the baby."
"What did he say?"
"He said . . . he said that he loved me. He said that he was scared, too,
but that he loved me. And then I left, I went home to think about things by
myself."
Elena nodded, urging Felicity to continue.
"So . . . this morning I woke up early and went to mail something to
Sally. I decided to go see Ben. I was starting to . . . to feel bad . . .
about leaving." She was getting more and more upset as she went along and
Elena tried to calm her back down.
"I . . . I . . . Sean was up. He said that Ben was upstairs. He told me
to go on up. I . . . I opened the door and . . . Oh God, Elena," she cried as
fresh tears filled her eyes.
"What is it, sweetie? What happened?" she coaxed.
"There were clothes everywhere . . . he was . . . Ben was sitting on the
bed . . . in his shorts. She was . . ."
"Wait, she? Who's she?" Elena asked.
Felicity lips trembled and she choked on a sob. "It was . . . it was . .
. Julie," she finally managed. She was in the bed . . . naked . . . Ben's bed
. . . Oh God . . ." She collapsed in tears again and Elena wrapped her arms
around her friend and tried to soothe her.
"Shh, sweetie, we'll figure it out. It'll be okay. Shh, it's okay. You're
okay."
The words were nice, but she knew they weren't true. The whole world had
just changed forever. Things could never be the same again.

* * * * *

"You slept with Julie?" Sean asked his roommate after he had come upstairs
and seen Julie lying in Ben's bed, obviously naked, after Felicity had run
out of the loft like the devil was chasing her.
"Yes, I slept with Julie," Ben answered as he listened to Felicity's
answering machine for the third time and left yet another message. "Felicity,
please call me. It wasn't what it looked like." He hung the phone up.
"Wasn't what it looked like? Ben, who are you kidding here? It was exactly
what it looked like. You have no reason to ever expect Felicity to talk to
you again."
"Yes, I do."
"And what's that?"
"She's carrying my child."
"What?"
"She's pregnant. That's why she's been so sick lately."
"So that's what she had to tell you yesterday?"
"Yeah, and then she went home to clear her head. Julie came home and we
talked."
"And then you jumped her bones," Sean said.
"Right. Look, I know it was a dumb thing to do."
"You're damn right it was a dumb thing to do. God, I thought you really loved
Felicity."
"I do."
"You sure as hell have a funny way of showing it."
"Look, last night I was upset."
"So, to make yourself feel better you took a roll in the hay with your ex.
Makes perfect sense," Sean said sarcastically.
"Where the hell do you get off?"
"I think Felicity is a good person and she didn't deserve the scene she
walked in on this morning." Sean stared his roommate down. "I hope you don't
catch fire anytime soon and Felicity's the only one around to help you cause
at the moment I don't think she'd spit on you much less get some water." Sean
shook his head before going back to his room and shutting the door.
Ben looked back at the phone and debated on dialing again. Instead he grabbed
his jacket and headed out the door to look for his girlfriend.

* * * * *

Noel jiggled the key in the lock until it finally clicked and the door
swung open. "Hello? Meghan, you home?" he called in. There was no answer so
he assumed that the coast was clear and walked into Felicity's dorm room.
He'd spent an hour in the lobby of his building wondering what was wrong
with Felicity until finally he couldn't stand it another second and he had to
go back up. Elena had shushed him as he entered, pointing to her bedroom and
whispering that she'd finally gotten Felicity to go to sleep.
"What's going on with her? Is she okay?" he asked quietly.
"Far from okay," Elena answered. She then led him to the living room and
sat him down to recount the whole sorted story; Felicity being pregnant,
telling Ben, then finding Ben in bed with Julie that morning . . . Noel was
so mad he was ready to rip Ben's head off. In fact, that was probably what he
would have been doing, if Elena hadn't asked him to come over to the dorms
and get some of Felicity's things. She was staying with them for a while
since Elena didn't want her to be alone and it would also be easier for her
to avoid Ben at their place. She'd made it clear that she did not want to see
him.
Noel opened the closet and pulled a duffel bag from the top shelf, then
threw some clothes in as Elena had instructed. He got socks and underwear
from dresser and another pair of sneakers from the closet. She could come
back later if she needed more stuff.
Just as he was getting ready to leave, though, there was a knock at the
door. He'd left it cracked when he came in and the person knocking took this
as a sign to enter. "Felicity?" a voice called. Noel recognized the voice in
an instant and turned around. His eyes narrowed as he looked at the man
before him.
"Ben," he said in disgust.
"Hey Noel, uh, you seen Felicity?" Ben asked.
"Yeah, I've seen her, but you won't be seeing her anytime soon," he
replied.
"Excuse me?"
"I can't believe that you have the nerve to come here looking for her
after all that you've done," he said.
"She told you," Ben said flatly.
"I know what went on, let's just put it that way," Noel answered. "You
disgust me, you know that?"
"Look, I don't want any trouble. I just want to talk to her, to explain .
. ."
"Explain? Explain what? Why you fucked her best friend five minutes after
she came over crying and told you she was pregnant with your child? Oh yeah,
good luck on that one," he said sarcastically.
"I'm not getting into this with you," Ben said as he shook his head.
"To hell with you, Ben. You're the biggest goddamned prick in the world!
How in the hell could you do that to her? Do you even know how much you hurt
her?"
Ben, unable to take anymore in silence, finally responded. "Dammit Noel!
You don't think I fucking know that? You don't think I don't feel like total
shit for what I've done? Damn, I can't stop thinking about it. I hate what
I've done to her. I hate myself for doing that to her."
"Good," Noel replied. "You should."
"Noel, please, tell her I want to talk to her. Please, get her to listen
to me. Please . . ." he begged.
"I can't do that," Noel replied.
"I love her, Noel," Ben said desperately. "I can't lose her, not now. Not
after everything . . ."
"You should have thought of that sooner," he said flatly, then turned to
pick up the bag of clothes and left. Ben was left alone in the room. He sank
down to the bed and laid his head in his hands.
"What have I done?" he whispered. "God, what have I done?"

* * * * *

Julie slowly walked down the stairs of the loft praying Ben and Sean had
gone elsewhere for the day. She had almost reached her room when Sean's voice
stopped her.
"Well, look who's finally awake."
Julie turned around and looked at her roommate. "Hi Sean."
"Hi Julie. I don't suppose you're looking for Ben?"
"No, looking to avoid him actually," Julie said.
"Why's that? Could it be guilt?"
"You know." It wasn't a question.
"Yeah, I know. I found out right after your so-called best friend ran out of
here this morning."
"What?" Julie felt like she was going to throw up.
"Oh, that's right you slept through her arrival and departure."
"Felicity saw us?" She needed to sit down before she fell down. Grabbing a
stool she sat down heavily.
"Felicity came, Felicity saw, and Felicity ran out of here like the devil was
after her."
"Oh my God."
"Funny, that's what she said."
"Where's Ben?"
"Looking for Felicity, I imagine." Sean shook his head. "I just want to know
one thing, Julie."
"What's that?"
"Why? I thought you wanted your friendship with Felicity back."
"I did. I do."
"Then why sleep with Ben?"
"I came home last night and I could see Ben was upset. I asked him what was
wrong and he told me about Felicity. I touched his face and after that it's
just sort of a blur." Julie felt tears rise in her eyes. "God Sean, what did
I do?"
"The truth? You fucked up Julie. Plain and simple. You and Ben fucked up."
"I know. What do I do now?"
"I wish I could tell you, but I can't. You're gonna have to figure that out
on your own."

* * * * *

"Knock, knock," Elena said softly as she entered her bedroom. Felicity
was sitting up on the bed, tracing the pattern of the comforter with her
finger. "Hey . . . I brought you some soup."
"Thanks, but I've not really hungry, Elena," she replied. Elena set the
tray she was carrying aside and went to sit next to her friend.
"I know you're upset . . ." she began.
Felicity laughed dryly, "Yeah, you could say that." She looked up, tears
glistening behind her eyes and stared out the window. "Why do you think they
did that? Why would Ben do that to me? Especially now . . ."
Elena placed a hand on her friend's shoulder. "I wish I knew that," she
replied.
"What am I going to do now?" Felicity questioned sadly. "I . . . without
him I . . . how can I do this alone?"
"You're not alone," Elena said emphatically. "You've got me, and Noel,
and we're going to see you through this."
She shook her head. "I can't ask you to do that."
"You didn't ask. We're your friends, Felicity. We want to do this."
She smiled sadly at Elena. "Thank you. I appreciate it, really."
Elena nodded. "So, Noel brought your clothes. You're bag is over there,"
she pointed.
"I heard him telling you that he saw Ben while he was there," she
replied.
Elena looked down. "I'm sorry, we thought you were sleeping."
"I couldn't sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I just keep seeing them in
that bed . . ." She cringed at the image. "Anyway, I heard him tell you what
happened."
"He probably figured out that you're here," she said softly.
"I don't want to see him," Felicity said firmly.
"I completely understand."
"I don't even know how I'm going to stay in the same city with him, much
less be in the same room . . ." Her tears spilled over her cheeks again and
Elena squeezed her hand.
"Why don't you try and rest, okay? You still look pretty beat." Felicity
nodded and lay back down on the bed, though she knew she wouldn't sleep. She
just didn't have the energy to do much else.
Elena had returned to the kitchen and was putting away some dishes when
the doorbell rang. "Coming," she said as she dried her hands and went to the
door. She opened it to find Ben. She scowled at him. "Felicity isn't here."
"Look, Elena, I know she's here. I just want to talk to her. I just need
five minutes," he pleaded.
"Five minutes, huh? Oh yeah, I forgot, you are sort of a
wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am sorta guy, aren't you?" she snapped.
"Please . . . I need to explain to her."
"She has eyes, she doesn't need your recap of the situation."
"I'm so sorry . . . God! What can I ever do to make this up to her?" he
cried helplessly.
"Leave her the hell alone, that's what you can do," she said. "Felicity
has made it clear that she does not, under any circumstances, want to see
your lying, cheating, no-good ass anywhere within a thousand feet of her. So,
why don't you take a hint and take a hike," she spat back at him.
"Elena, that's my child she's carrying," he said.
"A child you obviously don't care anything about. You made that perfectly
clear when you jumped into bed with her best friend!"
"I love her! I love Felicity!" he insisted.
She stared at him coldly, then said in a quiet yet menacing tone, "You
don't know the first thing about love." And, with that, she slammed the door
in his face.

* * * * *

Noel sat at a table at Epstein's Bar with a soda, a plate of hot wings, and
his tech book, trying to study and not think about the fact that one of his
dearest friends had just had the rug pulled out from under her by the people
she loved most in the world. Shutting the book with a sigh, he acknowledged
it wasn't working and picked at his food.
"Noel?" Looking up he grinned sardonically at the woman standing in front
of him.
"Julie. This day just keeps getting better and better."
"I take it you know."
"I know all about the fact that you banged your best friend's boyfriend,
yes. I know you probably have an excellent reason for what you did, but at
the moment I don't care to hear it."
"Noel, please just listen to me. Maybe you can convince Felicity to
listen to you. I can't get her at the dorms and Elena keeps hanging up on
me," Julie said pleadingly.
"What's to understand? I take it your conversation included the fact
that Felicity is pregnant with Ben's child?"
"Yeah, I know."
"But you crawled into his bed anyway. I don't think there's much else to
understand."
"Yes, there is. It's something I didn't even understand fully till last
night."
"And what's that? No, wait, don't tell me. Ben really and truly loves
Felicity. Right?"
"Don't be sarcastic."
"Why shouldn't I? Ben sure has great timing doesn't he? Fucks his
girlfriend's best friend the day he finds out she's pregnant."
"He was scared and confused," Julie said in a last ditch effort to get
Noel to listen to her.
"That is the worst excuse I've ever heard," Noel said as he dropped money
on the table and grabbed his books. "You tell Ben I hope he can live with
what he's done cause I know Felicity can't." Then, he left.

* * * * *

Felicity heard the door slam and sighed. She'd heard every word spoken
between Elena and Ben and it had ripped her heart apart to hear those things.
Despite everything, she still loved him. She didn't want to see him, not
after what he'd done, but she was finding it hard to stay away. When she
heard the pain in his voice, all she'd wanted to do was run to him and
comfort him and tell him that she could forgive everything. But, she
couldn't. As much as she might have ached to do so, there was no way she
could forgive what he and Julie had done. Not now . . . maybe not ever.
She wiped her tears away. She needed to get out of here, to go someplace
far from Ben and Julie and this city and all of the horrible things that had
turned her world upside down these last twenty-four hours. She picked up the
phone and dialed a number from her address book. The operator asked if the
other party would accept the charges and she did.
"Felicity?" She smiled. It was so good to hear that familiar voice.
"Hi Sally," she replied.
"Felicity, what's going on? I got a tape from you today, but I haven't
had a chance to listen to it yet. You sound strange. Is everything okay?"
She took a deep breath and then recanted the whole story to her friend.
"And so, I've been staying with Elena and Noel," she finished. "But, I'm not
sure how much longer I can do that. He's just so close, you know?"
"Yeah," Sally said, "I know just what you mean. Well, I'm not the best
person to give advice about running from your problems, but I think in this
case I can definitely see why you'd want to."
"I don't want to . . . I just . . . I can't do this with him; not now."
"Have you told your parents yet?"
"No, they'd kill me. Besides, their place is the first place he'd look
for me. I was actually wondering . . . I know it's a lot to ask, but, well,
could I maybe stay with you for a while? Just until I can get myself together
a little more?"
"Of course, you're more than welcomed to stay with me for as long as you
like," Sally assured her. "But, won't Ben know where I live, too?"
"No, I never told him that you'd moved again to Atlanta. He won't have
any way to find me," she said.
"Are you sure that's the way you want it?" Sally asked.
Felicity took a deep breath and said, "Yes, for now, it is."

* * * * *

"You're sure about this?" Elena asked for the tenth time as they packed
the rest of Felicity dorm room up.
"Yes, positive," she replied.
"And you aren't telling where to find you?"
"No. I can't . . . it's too much. I need to deal with my other problems
before I deal with him." Elena nodded.
"So, you told them you weren't going to be an RA after all?"
"Yeah, this morning."
"What'd they say?"
"What could they say? I'm leaving school. It's pretty much out of their
hands. Meghan is glad to have a single room, though, I'm sure."
"Well, I hope this all works out for you, Felicity. I'm really going to
miss you," Elena said sadly.
"Me, too, Elena," she replied and turned to hug her friend. "I'll call, I
promise."
"You better," Elena laughed as tears filled her eyes. "Maybe since you'll
be living with Sally, you can start sending those tapes to me instead."
"Maybe I will," she grinned. "Okay, all done. Let's get this stuff out of
here," she said.
"Leave the boxes. Noel said he'd come get them after class. We'll just
take the suitcases," Elena said. She nodded and the two girls left the dorm
room with Felicity's luggage. As they boarded the elevator, she looked back
at the lobby. It looked just like the one in Kelvin where she'd spent her
freshman year. That seemed like a lifetime ago now. She watched sadly as the
doors closed, closing out a part of her life she'd come to count on. From now
on, everything would change.

* * * * *

Felicity stood up as her flight was called. Noel and Elena followed, looking
expectantly at her.
"I guess this is it," Felicity said softly, trying not to cry.
"No, this is not it. You're not disappearing from our lives, Felicity.
You're just becoming a distant part of it," Elena said.
"We're not letting you go that easily," Noel added.
"I'm gonna miss you two."
"We're gonna miss you too," Elena said as she hugged her friend. "Take
care of you."
"Take care of you, too," Felicity whispered before they parted. Then she
looked at Noel.
Noel smiled sadly as he hugged his friend. "Call when you get there and
at least once a week after that. We'll try to make it down for winter
break."
"I'd love that. You could finally meet Sally," Felicity said before she
and Noel parted. She looked up when her flight was called again. "I better
go. I love you guys."
"We love you too," Elena said.
"Definitely."
Felicity nodded before she turned and walked to the gate. Right before
she got on she turned around and waved a little to her friends who waved
back. Then she handed the flight attendant her ticket and boarded the plane.
"Think she'll be okay?" Noel asked.
"God, I hope so," Elena answered softly before the roommates left the
airport and headed home.

I'm watching somebody's heart break in two
And wonderin' if somewhere you're cryin' too

Shadows in a mirror
Tell me that I'm wrong
Shadows in a mirror
Tell me that we're through

Felicity curled up in her seat once the plane was in the air and took out the
picture she'd kept in her pocket. It was of her and Ben in Hawaii that
summer. She touched his face gently as a few random tears escaped her eyes.
Despite everything she still loved him. That's what made this all so hard.

I'm watching somebody's world at an end
And wondering if someday we'll love again

Shadows in a mirror
Tell me that I'm wrong
Shadow in a mirror
Tell me that we're through

Ben hung the phone up and sat down on his bed. Meghan had just informed him
that Felicity no longer went to NYU. She was gone. Gone without a word and
without a trace. He opened his nightstand drawer and took out the picture of
him and Felicity at the border between Nevada and California. Tears started
to run down his face. God, what was he going to do without her?

Oh and I, I still need your love
I can't see my life
Darling without you
Shadows in a mirror
Shadows in a mirror

I'm watching somebody's world at an end
And wishing that somehow we can love again

Felicity wrapped her arms around herself in a protective gesture as she
looked out the airplane window as the clouds disappeared and became the blue
skies over Atlanta. This was it. No turning back now.

Shadows in a mirror
Tell me that I'm wrong
Shadows in a mirror
Tell me that we're through

Oh and I, I still need your love
I can't see my life darling without you
Shadows in a mirror
Shadows in a mirror
Shadows in a mirror.

Ben stared at the ceiling as he lay in bed. Looking beside him he imagined
he saw Felicity's sleeping face but when he turned his head back and closed
his eyes he saw the horrified look on her face when she'd seen Julie lying in
his bed. Noel was right. He was a prick and that fact alone had just cost
him the only woman he'd ever loved.

* * * * *